Lecture Hall 15

I recently had a lecture in this room and it turned out to be a very pleasant surprise. It brought back memories of the time I had spent in that room as a freshman. There was something about the second semester, about attending lectures with a panache of doing well, the madness of it all; the naive (mis)understanding of what college life was. The road ahead was blocked, the puzzle totally incomprehensible. And ignorance was bliss.
I couldn't compare that with third year even if I wanted to. The clarity of this place is almost blinding, of knowing what has to be done and precisely how. Life just seems mechanical now (or electronic :P ) because everything we do feels like running a race to leave someone behind. The friendships that happened then are the ones that still stand, rest all has been a bitter face of reality.
I wish it was possible to go back to the innocence of that room, the beauty of being free within those walls. Practicality was never my cup of tea.

It doesn't matter in an examination wether you knew the question paper or wether you studied hard to complete the syllabi. The only that matters is what you write on the answer sheet.

That's how I've been fucking myself for two years now. And I'm going to stop trying.

Deliberations

There is an pessimist that resides in each one of us. And then there is the optimist. Sometimes you look up at the sky and it only appears black; it becomes the boundary you cannot cross. And yet at times you look up, and freedom beckons.
There are so many things that happen around us that define the way we think and who we are. But really, more things happen within us that define what we become and what we make of what we have. If we could only control ourselves, we would realize that controlling the world was never a tough ask. I don't know why it becomes difficult at times to be the optimist or to smile, because as someone once told me "Always remember to have fun and smile, things will seem smaller and much better."
Life is right here, and Life is also a long, long way away.

What Am I Doing To Myself?

I waste around half a day everyday sleeping in classes and getting myself through labs in a college that I've given up on. I have started to prepare for my post grad studies which is going to take pretty much the whole of my college life from now on. I am probably going to do my MBA from a good B-School (hopefully, at least) where (from what I hear) spending ten hours a day on your college work isn't enough. And then, I am going to land up some sixteen hours a day kind of jobs with a good pay package for some corporate bigwig where the whole mantra would be to make profit.
That's the plan, and it sucks; Big Time. That's not the life I ever wanted but it seems like I'm not the one making decisions here. Money was never really important, and that's the only thing I might end up with (that too, in a best case scenario).
I mean, last I knew I was still a young guy getting used to college. I'm not even ready to do a professional post grad degree forget doing a job and actually earning money. That's supposed to be far away in the future isn't it, when we become all old and mature and when we finally realize what the 'right thing' is; and yet it seems so woefully close, just a blink away. And I'm afraid to close my eyes because the next thing I see in the mirror might not be me, but a money hungry technocrat working his ass off to deadlines to keep on feeding his greed.
And there's no way out.