It took three sleepless nights. 72 hours. And then the LED lit up my life. I'm ecstatic :D
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Let us do away with everything we call life. Let us release everything that holds us back. Let us let go of all our wants. Let us close our eyes and feel the music in every sound, experience the rhythm of the world around. Let us open our eyes to the beauty of what we have. Let us let go of the complications that cloud our mind. Let us not remember the unanswered questions. Let us know only one truth, that we are here, so lets make the most of it. Lets allow peace to reach us for once. Let it flow through our body, let it stay. Lets smile, for no particular reason. Let us not care what they might think. Let us do away with everything we call life. And lets, live.
I'll really miss these days when they are over, I'll really miss these people when they are no longer there. This is one thing I never wanted to think about, and yet everytime I laugh out with them, I'm reminded of the impending end. And then the laughter dies down, and there's this feeling of not being in control. If only, they could stay. To hell with practicality.
My exhausted self tells me I'm dying for the semester to end, and yet my heart tells me that I would go on. No matter how many useless projects, assignments and tests I might have to give again and again. I would go on and keep doing that, for them. For that one more smile that I might get a chance to share with them. For that one more piece of advice that I could get from them. For that one more instant when we could make fun of ourselves, and laugh out, as if there is no tomorrow.
Life gives you these lows when you least expect them. There seems to be nothing wrong about the way things are going, and yet everything about life seems wrong. There's this heaviness you can't let go of, as if something within you stops you from behaving the way you want to, stops you from laughing out loudly, from doing things cheerfully and enjoying them. I need a break and I can't have one. Everything seems to have halted. I'm waiting for a little something to bring me back on track, to get me moving again, a little something that could actually make me smile. *makes a wish
I haven't had a single class since sessionals ended. Life's been more about thinking than action these past few days. I've been constantly pressurizing myself about the projects that still need to be done and it doesn't help. Thinking about it only makes it bad. Thinking and not doing anything about it makes it even worse. I've destroyed quite a few of my days worrying about it, days that could've definitely been spent better. It was so much better last semester, when everything was done on the last day. Atleast I didn't have to worry about it before that. I've spent half my time thinking about it this time, and the work would still get done only on the last day. What shit.
The big project day is approaching fast. 21st is suddenly so close. There's still work to be done. But we've come so far, I guess we'll take it through now. Funny everyone is so sure it'll be fine, and yet everyone is so nervous about it, including me :P I've stretched myself too far to let go now. I just hope it all goes well, as everyone thinks it will.
One Last Thing
Author: *PD* Posted under:
To Chakshu,
who couldn't be here with us today. And to her I'll let you know before my time comes. I will.
They had wings. They had wings, and they were flying. He felt freedom like never before as current after current of fresh air swiped across his face. He spread out his arms to feel the liberation. He closed his eyes to feel the gusts of wind, as they made paths to pass through his curly strands. It was a long road, and an even longer night. It was his new bike, and it was his best friend at the helm of it.
It was quiet all around, before they passed and after it. But it was as if they radiated their energy to the place, for a split second as they passed through it, and for that moment, everything sprung to life, before fading again into lifelessness.
He was enjoying every moment as he lived it, never knowing that his last wasn't far away. He never realized when it happened. He was whizzing past on his bike one instant, and he was lying on the road, in the next. He didn't feel any pain, though the stickiness of the blood on his face told him that all was not well. He saw his friend lying a foot away from him, unmoved, lifeless as everything else around.
And then he remembered her. He had always thought he would tell her one day, and now that day would never come. He wanted to shout out, he wanted to let her know. But even his bleeding brain told him that his screams would be lost, that she would never know. Blood was constantly dripping from his forehead now, he knew he had very little time. He had let go of too many chances, he didn't want to let go of his last one. He looked at the pool of blood around him and searched for a means to say what he had always wanted to. And then he found it. Two minutes later, he looked at the shining surface of the road and he knew that he could let go now, that now, she would know. He smiled at what he had done, and then he closed his eyes, forever.
There, etched on that deathly road was the love that had flowed through his veins since he had seen her, written in the blood that had flowed through his veins...
Love Pari.
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you.
Over again, Don't make me change my mind.
Or I won't live to see another day, I swear it's true.
Because a girl like you is impossible to find, you're impossible to find.
To love her with all I could, and just, to love her with all I could.
I've got a maths book open in front of me as I write this. I have no idea why I switched on my laptop, and I have no idea what to put down. It's sessionals again, and no, even after two years in college, I haven't gotten used to them. That's understandable, since it's been fifteen years and I still haven't got used to studying. College's been hectic as usual but the only thing worrying me right now is that it's been quite a time since I had a crush on anyone. I don't normally have these lows when there isn't anyone whose 'cuteness' I could acknowledge or whom I could think about.
Anyways, I'd rather concentrate on my sessionals.
