As he moved deeper inside, he could feel his pulse racing. It seemed strange to him, as he had never really cared about being alive. Right now, this was the only thing he cared about. But he could not let his mind deviate, not now, not when there was so much to be done. But maybe it was the purity of the darkness that surrounded him, in which the truth of his life shone through, brighter than ever before……yes, he had made mistakes, he had to accept it……Concentrate, his mind told him but he couldn’t help it. He kept going back in time, as past memories came back with a sting inside his head……
He had always been a bright student, but as he had grown up, he had realized that there were things far more important than academics and career. From his neighborhood to his workplace, the Hindus dominated everything and he hated it. From the time they had settled in India, he had been told to adjust with these people. But he could never do that. How could he, for a single moment, forget that the souls of these people were stained with his ammi’s blood. His ammi had not been spared, and one day he will do the same to these people. “Shauqat”, his abbu always told him “We are now Indians and we must learn to live peacefully with the people around us. Whatever happened to your ammi, happened to millions of other people in the riots. We cannot blame someone for someone else’s sins. Have your trust in Allah, he will make the murderer pay for his mistakes.” He didn’t care what had happened to others in the riots. All he cared about was that his wailing ammi had been burned alive by the bastards, and he would not rest until he made them pay for it.
Every time his mind was obsessed by revenge, his heart found solace in the only other woman he had ever loved. It was difficult for him to admit it, but somewhere deep within he had known his love for Prakriti, his next door neighbour and sister of Arnav Gupta, the head of the village council. But somehow, he hated the fact that he loved her. After all, she was a Hindu and hence, out of bounds. Yet again, he could not stop himself from liking her, maybe it was her smile or maybe it was the fact that everything seemed so pure , so perfect when she was around, it was as if he could lose himself in those eyes forever…… but he had to put an end to this, somehow, anyhow. He asked for strength from Allah so that he could get over her but it was to no avail, on the contrary this made him think of her even more…
But it was that fateful day, the 29th of February 1952 that had changed his life forever. He remembered the date because it had been his 19th birthday. After offering nawaz with his abbu, he had gone to spend some time with his best friends, Kabir and Faizal, his only companions amongst the crowd of alien Hindus. It is then that Faizal had told him that he had arranged for them to meet Muhammad-bin-Hakim or Hakim dada as he was known among the Muslims and feared among the Hindus. He, Shauqat, had always wanted to meet him. That day his dream had come true, all thanks to Faizal. Kabir also went along with them. The cave where Hakim used to stay was at the end of a long tunnel. It had been noon then, and still Shauqat had been very frightened, he had wondered what it would be like to enter this place at night…when they had reached the cave Shauqat had been surprised by the number of gunmen surrounding Hakim, which easily outnumbered the policemen in the local police station. Shauqat remembered every single word Hakim had said to him, “We Muslims are a divine race and deserve more, much more than the filthy treatment given by the Hindus. We are treated as garbage and our children forced to become beggars and prostitutes. The Hindus think that we are a disease, infesting their society, a disease which needs to be eradicated but we need to tell them that we shall not be thrown out of our own homes, our families no longer massacred, that we shall fight till our last breath to protect every drop of Muslim blood. There is nothing for us in this country, not unless we make a place for ourselves, and the only way to do that is by instilling fear in the minds of these people, by telling them that they are beneath us, that they will suffer if they even dream of going against us, only then can we breathe in a free society. Otherwise there can be no hope. So the worthy choice lies with us, and us alone. Will there be hope?” The cave trembled, more so with their resolve than their voices as everyone shouted “Allah is with us, there will be Hope.”
The words had shook Shauqat, his anger for Hindus reaching acute propositions, he knew that at that moment he could’ve killed without the slightest hint of remorse.
Hakim had also asked him for a favour, he had wanted as much information as he could get on Arnav Gupta, the head of the village council and a favourite among the local people. He had said that if they could restrict the leader, the people would soon give in too, and they would be free to take advantage of the confusion and do as they pleased. It is strange people think of religion in terms of faith in God because God does not make people blind, religion does. Shauqat, another victim of religion, did as he was told. He spent two sleepless nights and used every contact he had. In two days, Hakim got exactly what he desired. And then Hakim had got an idea, an idea that would not only instill fear in the minds of the locals but also guarantee that no one, ever, even in their wildest dreams, would think of going against him……
Two days later, the local daily reported:
VILLAGE COUNCIL LEADER MISSING WITH FAMILY
When Shauqat had read the newspaper, he remembered he had started sweating profusely and had fallen ill. But even greater than his physical discomfort had been his mental agony. The only family Arnav had, was his sister. This meant Hakim had taken her too. He had no doubt that Hakim would kill them both, they would be slaughtered and he had already assisted the butcher. This would be Hakim’s idea of spreading fear among the commons. No negotiations, just cold blooded murder.
The battle within his heart was raging: Had he done the right thing? Was it worth it to lose his
love so that he could take revenge for his ammi? I don’t love her, he strictly told himself. But
this time, his mind surrendered to his heart. He would fool himself no more, and maybe it was, as
they say, The moment of truth. It is in acceptance that we find true liberation and at that moment, Shauqat knew he had found it. It had been his love for his ammi that had made him love again, and this time he was not going to lose it. He knew the way ahead was dangerous, but he also knew that it was the right way, actually, the only way. Faizal had been out of town due to office work, so Shauqat had gone straight to Kabir. He had known Kabir since forever, and he had known that he could count on him. He had been right. Together, they had gone to the police, who had seemed to be more confused than he had been, but in the end they had zeroed in on a plan, a plan that will bring down Hakim forever……
A sharp pain in his knee brought Shauqat back to reality. He still had a long way to go and the dark was unrelenting. If he had ever been through a tougher night, he could not remember it. The tunnel was long and dangerous but this time Shauqat was not afraid, because it is only the unknown that we fear, when we fear darkness and when we fear death. And for Shauqat, nothing was unknown. He knew Kabir would be in the cave by now, gauging the number of gunmen and their positions. The police had wanted a direct attack on the cave but he had feared that it would mean certain death for Arnav and (his heart yelped in pain) Prakriti. So they had decided that Kabir would go first and then Shauqat so that they could atleast weaken the enemy before the police entered the scene. The major problem was that there was only one door (or an opening, more likely) for entry and exit which meant that they had to be extremely careful in locating the hidden gunmen. A single unlocated gunman could kill them all, a fact that made this operation extra sensitive and their chances of complete success nonexistent. The only thing, Shauqat thought, that was in their favour was the element of surprise that they would have against the enemy. He had learned some shooting from his abbu and he prayed that it would be of some help. He felt the .9mm Glock pistol given by the Police Inspector in his pocket and just for a moment, he felt secure. Strange, how an instrument of aggression could promote a feeling of security. But that feeling suddenly changed to dread as he heard maniacal laughter coming from the cave. The sound told him he was very close and as he turned a right, he could see the yellow lights in the distance. The dim light from the cusped opening looked so much like the setting sun, which gave him an eerie feeling of completion. Surely, this was it. He stood at the end of a one way road. From here on, it was war, and he had to be ready for anything and everything. As he composed himself to enter the cave, he went over the plan one last time. The police would reach the opening to the cave in about fifteen minutes from now. But they would enter the tunnel only when Shauqat would give them a signal, having made sure that all the hidden gunmen were down, or at the very least, located. Their briefing had been clear: Asset was primary, Rival secondary.
Shauqat took a deep breath and went through the opening. His eyes took an instant to adjust, after which he absorbed the scene within. The cave was very large and almost circular which would make the gunmen easier targets than he could have hoped, but this also meant that he was an easy target for them. Just as he was counting the enemy numbers, a voice boomed through the cave “Welcome, welcome Son of Great Allah, your presence will now make the occasion complete.” Hakim came to him very quickly and hugged him. Shauqat gave him a weak smile and looked around once again. He had counted sixteen when a voice whispered in his ear “Twenty four gunmen in all, eight are well hidden, mainly behind empty drums all around the cave. The remaining sixteen should not prove to be too difficult once we decide to give them a nice dose of gunpowder” Kabir smiled at him. For the first time that night, Shauqat felt comforted. Surely friendship could have no greater meaning. There was no need to say anything, standing there in the middle of a deathly cave surrounded by foes all around, the two of them understood each other perfectly.
In the meanwhile, Hakim had been explaining to his guests how useful Shauqat had been. Shauqat looked around to find Arnav and Prakriti tied at the left of the opening. Arnav was looking down, as if not interested in what Hakim was telling him, but Shauqat could see dread on his face. Prakriti, however, was looking directly at Hakim, revulsion etched across every line of her beautiful face. For an instant their eyes met and Shauqat could see hatred for him in those eyes. He hated himself for doing what he had done. If only, his eyes could convey what he actually felt for her, but this was not the time.
Arnav and Prakriti were strongly tied but close to the opening. Though they were not visible from the tunnel outside, it was still very much possible to get them out safely. Till now things had turned out to be better than Shauqat had initially expected. He just hoped that would continue to happen. He looked at his watch and realized he had been in the cave for ten minutes. It was time to act. He put his hand into the pocket in which the pistol lay silently and started moving towards the empty drums on his right, behind which there was a solitary gunman. Kabir was already at the opposite end of the cave. When he was close enough to the drums, he spoke loudly, “Hakim, you know what, there is only one difference between the two of us, I Found…… Love.” Just as he said this, he took out his pistol and shot the gunman square in the chest. Instantly, he heard another shot and a scream. Kabir had hit his man too. There was immediate chaos. Screams and bullets filled the air as Shauqat scampered behind the drum. He could almost hear his heartbeat amongst all the shouting and screaming. He chanced a look above the drum and a scene of utter confusion met him. Through the running gunmen he targeted Hakim and shot. It was Hakim’s own philosophy, kill the leader and take advantage of the confusion that follows. But before he could see if his shot had met the target, he saw a flurry of bullets rushing towards him and as soon as he ducked behind the drum, he felt his hair rise due to the sheer force of all the bullets crossing millimeters above his head. This was the closest Shauqat had ever come to dying. It took a moment for him to regain composure and catch his breath. He could still hear Hakim shouting out orders which meant that his bullet had missed. So he directed his energies towards the other hidden gunmen. Dodging bullets left and right, Shauqat managed to hit a number of gunmen with his next few shots. Slowly, he got used to the flurry of bullets whizzing past him and the enormous sound they created. The battle was going in their favour. Objective one was complete; the hidden gunmen were more or less down. Now he had to get the police in, but it was impossible to signal them over all the noise. So he started looking around for options. That’s when he saw an empty drum on his left. If he could somehow reach the drum he could position himself right next to the opening from where he could signal the police. The problem was reaching the drum. If he made a dash for it he would never get there without several bullets ripping through him. The police will have to wait, he thought and kept on fighting. And since there weren’t any easy targets anymore, Shauqat thought about shooting blindly without looking over the drum. He would fire in the direction opposite to where Arnav and Prakriti were tied and though it was possible that his bullet ended up hitting Kabir, the probability of that happening was very low. He decided to take the risk. Just as he was readying himself to open fire, he heard a scream. It was like so many other screams he had heard that night but still, it seemed so different, so close to him. The scream was still reverberating through his ears when his mind finally recognized the voice. No, it cannot be, he refused to accept what his mind was telling him. And then, as he chanced a look above the drum, his eyes saw what his heart was refusing to believe. Twenty meters apart, on the other side of the cave, stood Kabir, drenched in his own blood. And as Kabir fell, so did tears from Shauqat’s eyes. For a moment Shauqat lost all sense of reason, he wanted to run towards Kabir, to comfort him but his legs refused to move and he collapsed behind the drum under his own weight. The next few moments were a blur as Shauqat’s mind raced from guilt to logic and finally to action. Kabir’s death had brought an abrupt change in the cave’s atmosphere. Suddenly, everything was quiet. The gunmen were not diverted anymore, they had only one target. Sensing victory, they started closing in on Shauqat. They were moving slowly, greedily, as a hunter would move towards a wounded prey, ready to kill at the slightest hint of movement. Shauqat sat there and waited for the inevitable. They were much too close. He could almost feel the excitement that they derived from his suffering. He could hear their shrill breaths as his own came in long drawn gasps. And that’s when he decided to make his last move. On the top of his voice, he shouted like he had never done before “Police! Police! Help! Police! ” It took only one heart stopping moment for Shauqat, and then relief swept across him as a wave of khaki clad men rushed into the cave. His signal had been crude, but it had turned out to be effective. The gunmen, who were already committed towards him, wasted precious seconds in turning and aiming. Time enough for the police to send a sea of bullets towards their quarry. Shauqat could only watch in horror as blood splattered all around him, torn body parts flying in all directions like paper planes in an ill managed classroom and those terrorizing cries, that marked the end of a man’s journey on the path of life. He was only relieved that none of this was his own. And then it was over as suddenly as it had begun. A deafening silence hit the cave and it was only the murmur of the policemen and the cries of the wounded that saved Shauqat from being absorbed by it. He checked his gun. One bullet left. God has been kind to me, he thought.
He stood up and moved out from behind the drum. Someone had already carried Kabir’s body out of the cave. He looked around and saw Hakim being dragged out of the cave, still alive. As seething anger started to fill him, he stopped himself. There would be time for hatred later. Now was the time for love, Shauqat smiled to himself. He saw Prakriti struggling with her bonds. She was deeply scarred from the battle though she was trying hard not to reveal it. Brave girl, thought Shauqat. Not once throughout the night had he seen fear in those magnificent eyes. It was her resolve more than her beauty that made Shauqat admire her. She looked up, right at him. Their eyes met. How badly Shauqat had waited for this very moment. Soon, I’ll tell her very soon. Just let us get out of this ghastly cave, he told himself. He moved forward to help her. Gosh, he was getting so nervous, worse than he had felt on entering the cave. He wanted to say something soothing to her, but could think of nothing so he decided to concentrate on her bondages. The knot was extremely tight and her hands were bloodshot due to constant struggling. Still, he kept on trying. In the meanwhile, a badly shaken Arnav was carried out of the cave. The policemen had managed to clear out most of the cave and the last few of them were moving out when one of them asked, “You there, do you need help?”
“No, I……I’ll manage……I think.” he spattered out.
Finally, he managed to untie Prakriti. He heard her sigh and a faint smile appeared across her face as she muttered a barely audible thanks. The pallid cave with all its deathliness appeared more romantic to Shauqat than any other place could have ever done. She was there, and nothing else mattered. Even with scratches and cuts, her face glittered in yellow light just like a diamond, strong from within but stunning nonetheless. As they were walking towards the opening, Shauqat realized they were alone in the cave now. They were right next to the opening when he turned to look at the cave, one last time. As his gaze swept across the cave, everything seemed motionless and quiet but wait, was it a trick of his sleep deprived eyes or had he just seen something move behind that drum. The mystery was solved the next instant as he saw a gun rise. Just as the gunman pressed the trigger Shauqat’s mind registered that the gun wasn’t aimed at him. He flung himself across to where she stood as the bullet came roaring towards them. And as it hit him, Shauqat felt pain beyond compare, beyond anything he had ever experienced. His legs gave way as the bullet tore through his abdomen muscles and ripped apart his stomach. He heard her scream but there was no time to look. The gunman was wounded but still, Shauqat had to hurry. In a fluid movement that he had got accustomed to by now, he took out his gun and through his pain, he shot. He knew his final bullet had to hit, and it did. It is then, that the realization hit him, He will not live. He looked around. She was still there. He extended a hand, she took it. It was her touch that kept Shauqat going. He opened his mouth but his throat choked as only blood came out. He looked directly at her, his eyes longing for her to understand what he could no longer tell her. There was so much he had wanted to say, so much he had wanted to know. Through her tears he could see that she was confused. You’ve got to understand, but Shauqat knew that she could not, did not. She kept telling him to calm down, kept calling for the police, but it no longer mattered. He no longer felt pain, the agony of losing her overtook all his senses. Only his eyes could see her faint outline now, the outline of the woman he had always loved, the woman in whom he could see Allah himself, the woman for whom his life seemed like a small price to pay. He was no longer sad, because for once he knew he had done the right thing.
Someone grabbed him from behind, they were taking him away from her. He tried to resist but they were much too strong. He felt her hand slipping away, as he felt himself slipping away into oblivion. Remarkable as it may seem, but along with pain and loss, death also brings with it, an exact mirror. It is in the face of death that men have always realized what their whole life wasn’t enough to teach them. And Shauqat Al Hasan knew, as he drew his last breath, that the greatest battle had always been within him and finally, he had conquered it even if he hadn’t managed to get out of the battlefield alive.
EPILOGUE
Those eyes. They were beseeching her. Pleading her. And then, suddenly, as if a connection was snapped, they became lifeless. She woke up covered in sweat. A month had passed, maybe more, but time was the last thing on her mind. It was a tiny part of her life, the part she had spent in that horrible cave, that possessed her. And then there was that man, Shauqat, who had died, and she could not help thinking, for her. It was the unknown that obsessed her. Why? Why had he saved her? Maybe it was repentance for his mistakes, yeah, maybe. But she knew she would never find out for sure. She moved out of bed, to her balcony. It was a beautiful starlit night. Then she remembered, the man had mentioned something about finding love. For a fleeting instant she thought, and she almost laughed at herself for thinking this, that maybe he had been talking about her. That was obviously not possible, he was a Muslim after all. And besides, she had never really felt like that for him.
Amongst the millions of stars looking down on her that night, one had suddenly turned dull for a moment and then, had shone at its brightest. After all, it had been tragic for Shauqat to realize that she hadn’t loved him, but then he thought, it didn’t really make much difference. He had loved her then, and he loved her now, and he showered all his light upon her, to keep her from darkness.
